Category: LGBTQ

The Process of Learning to Love Yourself

The Process of Learning to Love Yourself – Part Three

Articles, Australia, Education, International, LGBTQ, Malaysia, Treatment, Understanding Addiction, United Kingdom, United States

In part-one of this series, we told you it is important to learn to love yourself in recovery. In  part-two, we outlined the process of practicing self-love and explained that love is an action. Now, we’ll give you some actions you can take for how you can actually learn to love yourself.

#1 Continue To Stay In Recovery – One Day At A Time

As you grow in recovery, so will the love you have for yourself. Every day that you stay sober or refrain from unhealthy sex, you are acting in self-love. Engaging in addiction is engaging in self-hatred and self-destruction. Make the commitment every day that you are going to work on your recovery and you are already halfway there.

#2 Change The Way You Talk To Yourself

Changing the way you talk to yourself has to be deliberate and intention. It won’t come easy at first. You are going to have to be vigilant in paying attention to your thought life and replacing self-defeating thoughts with loving, empowering ones.

For example, when you look in the mirror and think, “I’m so ugly!” change that thought immediately to “I am so beautiful. Look at my eyes!” If you think “I am such a loser,” replace that thought with “I am so proud of myself that I am working on self-improvement!”

This will feel strange at first. You won’t believe the new thoughts you are thinking. But, before long, you will start noticing how uncomfortable it is to talk down to yourself. Your awareness will shift and you will start filling your own head with positive affirmations. It really works!

#3 Become Aware Of Behaviors That Harm You And Commit To Changing Them

Notice what kind of things you are doing to yourself that are unhealthy. Do you smoke cigarettes? Do you cut yourself? Do you hit yourself? Do you destroy your own property? When you do things that hurt you, you are not being loving towards yourself. Remember, recovery is about more than just ceasing addictive behaviors. It is about an active change in other behaviors as well.

Don’t feel overwhelmed. We are not asking you to give up your other coping skills until you are ready. We are simply asking you to become aware of your negative coping skills and encouraging you to make the commitment to change them – one day, when the time is right. Just by doing this, you will be amazed at how quickly your desire to be more loving to yourself will begin to take hold. Suddenly, those old behaviors won’t feel so good.  

 #4 Stay Away From Negative People

One of the most unloving things you can do for yourself is to keep company with toxic people. If you are in relationships with people who make you feel bad about yourself, stay away from those people. Surround yourself with people who build you up and empower you. It is better to be alone than in bad company. When you love yourself, you only associate with people who love and cherish you in return. By cutting out negative people and replacing them will supportive ones, you are expressing a great deal of self-love.  

#5 Be Kind To Yourself And Treat Yourself Well

When you love yourself, you take care of yourself. You eat healthy and you get exercise. You get plenty of sleep. You tend to your physical and mental well-being. You do things that make you feel good about you. This may include buying yourself nice clothes or taking yourself out for a nice meal. It might mean taking a hot bubble bath. It could mean painting yourself a picture or writing yourself a poem.

Find out what you can do for yourself that makes you feel loved and do it!

Remember, Learning To Love Yourself Is A Process

After years of abusing yourself in your addiction, learning to love yourself will take time. That’s okay! Give time time. Don’t fall into the trap of beating yourself up because you aren’t loving yourself. This isn’t loving!

The more you practice self-love, the more comfortable it will feel and the more you will want to do it. Just remember: stay in recovery (one day at a time), change the way you talk to yourself, become aware of behaviors that harm you and commit to changing them (one day!), stay away from negative people, and be kind to yourself. Soon, loving yourself will become a natural state of being.  

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learning to love yourself

The Process of Learning to Love Yourself – Part Two

Articles, Australia, Education, International, LGBTQ, Malaysia, Treatment, Understanding Addiction, United Kingdom, United States

In part one of this series, we talked about how important it is to learn to love yourself. In this blog post, we will outline the process of practicing self-love.

How Do You Start The Process of Learning To Love Yourself?

The first step in learning to love yourself is coming to an awareness that you don’t already. This is usually a very painful realization, but it is a necessary one. Self-awareness is always the first step to changing a deeply engrained behavior or altering your current state of being.

Most people realize they don’t love themselves when they really start paying attention to how they talk to themselves. If you have nothing but negative things to say to yourself about yourself, you probably don’t love yourself.

Are you constantly telling yourself that you are fat, stupid, bad, worthless, useless or ugly? Do you call yourself names like idiot, loser, moron, monster, or failure? Are you mean to yourself in your own head? Are you very unforgiving of yourself when you make a mistake? If so, you may have a deeply rooted negative self-image that doesn’t reflect self-love.

If you want to begin the process of learning to love yourself, start paying attention to what you are saying to yourself. When you realize you don’t love yourself, you will suddenly feel very uncomfortable, which will motivate you to want to learn how.   

To Love Yourself, You Have To Understand What Love Is

The second step to learning to love yourself is to define love.

Most people who have had problems with addiction do not really know what love is. They almost always confuse love with infatuation, obsession, great sex, or feelings of elation. But, these are not demonstrations of real love. Real love is much deeper.

Furthermore, when most people think of the word love, they almost always associate it with romantic love. They think of finding “the one,” falling in love, getting married, and living happily every after. But it is important to understand that love is not limited to romance. To learn to love yourself, you have to start relating to the concept of love in a different way. 

The reason why so many people are confused about love is that we overuse the word. We say we love French fries, or we love drugs and alcohol, or we love sex. We seem to equate love with a strong liking for something. When we want more and more of the feeling something or someone gives us, we think we must love it/him/her. But, the truth is that we don’t love French fries, or drugs and alcohol, and sex. We enjoy the way they make us feel.  

The thing is, love is not a feeling. Love is an action.

To Practice Self-Love, You Must Get Into Action

In the process of learning to love yourself, you first have to understand that you don’t love yourself so you will become motivated to change. Then, you have to come to understand that love is an action. Finally, you have to go about the business of practicing self-love through action.

Be sure to check out the third and final part to this series – The Process of Learning to Love Yourself – Part Three where you will learn how to practice self-love. 

CLICK HERE to get a Free Confidential Addiction Rehabilitation Assessment.

Love yourself

The Process of Learning to Love Yourself – Part One

Articles, Australia, Education, International, LGBTQ, Malaysia, Understanding Addiction, United Kingdom, United States

This is part-one of a three-part series about self-love.

In Recovery, You Must Learn To Love Yourself

If you are in recovery – whether it’s from drugs, alcohol, or sexual addiction – part of the process is learning to love yourself. When you were in active addiction, you perpetrated harm against yourself. If you were addicted to mood or mind-altering substances, you used toxic chemicals and abused your body. If you were a sex addict, you put yourself in compromising positions that led to shame, guilt, and self-hatred.

Now that you are in recovery, you have to develop a healthy relationship with yourself that reflects self-love. If you are constantly engaged in a cycle of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors, you are doomed to a life of misery and discomfort. After all, you are stuck with you all day long! You have to live with yourself because you are the only person who can leave you. If you are unkind, unloving, and disrespectful towards yourself, it makes for a very difficult journey.

In Recovery, You Realize The Relationship Have With Yourself Needs Work

Chances are, you didn’t have a great relationship with yourself when you started engaging in whatever addictive behavior you are currently recovering from. You might have had low self-esteem. You may have been the victim of abuse or neglect growing up, which caused you to feel worthless and unlovable. Or, you might have been going through a divorce or grieving the loss of a loved one, which caused you to want to numb your pain.  

Whatever individual circumstance brought you to use drugs or alcohol or act out sexually, you engaged in negative coping skills that did not reflect self-love. Drugs, alcohol, and sex can trick you into believing you have found a solution to whatever dilemma you are facing – even if that solution is fleeting and counterproductive. Ultimately, addiction brought you to your knees because you came to terms with the fact that it was never a solution and it only created more problems.

When you get into recovery, it becomes painfully obvious that you have been harming yourself with your own behavior. You begin to realize that you don’t know how to love yourself or be kind to yourself. You recognize the fact that the relationship you have with yourself needs some work. This is a good place to be.

Learning To Love Yourself Is A Process  

After losing an exhausting battle with addiction, you feel defeated. Life feels overwhelming. At first, it is all you can do just to overcome cravings. Learning to live a life that isn’t centered around drugs, alcohol, or sex is hard work all by itself. But, when the time is right, you find that in order to stay in recovery, you have to begin the process of learning to love yourself.

Be sure and read Learning to Love Yourself – Part Two. In the next blog post, we will talk about how you can begin the process of loving yourself.  

CLICK HERE to get a Free Confidential Addiction Rehabilitation Assessment.

The Grieving Process

Overcoming Grief In Recovery – Part Three

Articles, Australia, Education, International, LGBTQ, Malaysia, Treatment, Understanding Addiction, United Kingdom, United States

This is part-three in a three-part series about overcoming grief in recovery. In parts one and two, we talked about how the loss of a loved one is especially difficult for those in recovery and we discussed the five stages of grief. Now, we’re going to give you some helpful tips about how to undertake the grieving process without relapsing.

# 1 – Give Yourself Permission To Grieve The Loss of a Loved One

One of the most important things you can do while you are dealing with the loss of a loved one is to give yourself permission to grieve. Many people don’t do this. They try to push away their sadness and disbelief. They try to will away their pain or stuff it down and bottle it up inside. This is not effective when trying to overcome grief.

Tell yourself, “I give myself permission to grieve. I recognize this is going to be a painful process and it is going to take some time. I will honor my thoughts and feelings as I come to accept the loss I am experiencing.”

Doing this is a personal acknowledgement of your current state of being and a demonstration of your commitment to stay in recovery while you grieve.  

#2 – Feel Your Feelings Without Trying To Escape Them   

Grief is painful. There is no way around this unfortunate fact of life. No one wants to experience the gut-wrenching sadness, anger, bewilderment, and confusion that accompany the loss of a loved one. However; feeling feelings is a necessary component to overcoming grief.

Many people relapse during the grieving process because they want to escape the pain – not realizing that using drugs or alcohol or acting out sexually will only make the pain worse. While you will certainly want to escape the pain of loss, the only way to overcome it is to walk through it, feel it, and continue to confront it until it subsides.

# 3 Build A Support System 

While no one can take your pain away from you or feel it for you, you can find great comfort in a support system. Surrounding yourself with people who care about you will ensure that you don’t become overwhelmed with loneliness and desperation as you undergo the grieving process.

It may be a good idea to join a grief support group so you can share your experience and find strength in the company of other grieving people. You may even consider seeing a therapist to guide you through the stages of grief. Having people in your life you can lean on while you reorient yourself to your new reality will help you stay committed to your recovery program.

#4 Keep Your Routine

When you are confronted with the loss of a loved one, it may seem like you can’t go on with life. You may feel like you are falling apart and simply cannot deal with the responsibilities of daily living. However; it is important to keep up with your daily routine. Go to work or school. Continue to maintain self-care like taking a shower, brushing your teeth, etc. Eat properly. Maintain your household. Exercise. Do what you can to take care of yourself and focus on your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. Maintaining a daily routine will help keep you grounded.

Remember, Grief Doesn’t Last Forever – It Will Pass

Although the grieving process can feel like it will never end, it will. Sure, there will always be an empty spot in your life where your loved one used to be. You will always miss them. But, you will become accustomed to the fact that they are gone and you will move into acceptance. The tears and the pain will subside. Life will go on.

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five stages of grief

Overcoming Grief In Recovery – Part Two

Articles, Australia, Education, International, LGBTQ, Malaysia, Understanding Addiction, United Kingdom, United States

This is part-two in a three-part series about overcoming grief in recovery.

In part-one of Overcoming Grief In Recovery, we recognized that losing a loved one can be difficult for someone in recovery. It can be a trigger for relapse. We also discussed how important it is to stay committed to the recovery process after the loss of a loved one. In this blog post, we will go over the different stages of grief.

Understanding The Grieving Process

According to the Kübler-Ross model, there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It is important to note that anyone can experience these different stages at any time during their grief process. In other words, the five stages of grief do not necessarily happen in any particular order.

In understanding the five stages of grief, you can make sense of what you are experiencing as you navigate the aftermath of losing a loved one. Being able to put a name to your emotions and thoughts helps you understand why you think and feel the way you do.

Denial Is Almost Always The First Stage of Grief

While the other stages of grief can happen in any random order, denial almost always happens at the onset of grief. This can also be described as shock. This is the part of you that cannot believe your loved one has passed on. During the stage of denial, you almost completely refuse to accept that the person you care about will be absent from your life forever.

The initial shock or denial of the death of a loved one numbs you to the reality of the situation. You kind of go on auto-pilot. In some ways, this is good because it allows you to carry out all of the tasks that accompany someone’s death – making funeral arrangements, contacting family members, writing a eulogy, etc. Denial can last for days, weeks, or months, but once denial wears off, a flood of feelings are soon to follow.

Anger Is Another Stage of Grief

When someone you love dies, it is completely normal to feel angry. You may feel that life is unfair. You might be mad at God, the Universe, yourself, or even the person who died. While many people find that feeling angry is uncomfortable, it is healthy to express this anger and not suppress it.  

At Some Point During The Grieving Process, You May Begin Bargaining

Although it may seem irrational and even futile, you will find yourself bargaining as you come to terms with the loss of a loved one.

Bargaining happens when you get caught in a web of “if only” statements. “If only you would bring him back, God, I promise I will do anything you want.” Or, you might think something like, “If only I could spend one more day with her, I would give a million dollars.” You may even try to bargain with the pain – “if only the pain would go away, I would be willing to do anything.” Bargaining is a way of trying to refuse that your loved one is gone.

Depression Usually Happens Once You Realize Bargaining Won’t Work

Of course, there is no way to bring back a lost loved one. No amount of bargaining can turn back the hands of time or change the reality of death. Once you realize that the person you care about is never coming back, you will experience depression. You will weep, and you will feel a heaviness in your heart. This stage of grief usually lasts the longest. Depression can be a strong motivator for relapse.

Once You Navigate The Other Four Stages of Grief, You Will Experience Acceptance

While you are always going to miss your dearly departed loved one, you will eventually come into a place of acceptance about the situation. For some, gaining acceptance can be an ongoing process that takes years. While you are going through the other stages of grief, it will feel like acceptance is impossible. However, the day will come that you make peace with the death of your parent, friend, relative, or spouse. Eventually, you will find peace.

Now that you understand the stages of grief, let’s talk about how to walk through the pain without relapsing. Be sure to read Overcoming Grief In Recovery – Part Three.

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