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For Family Members Of Addicts And Alcoholics – Understanding Codependency: Part One

This is part-one of a two-part series about codependency and how it affects families of addicts and alcoholics.

The Complex Condition Of Codependency Explained

Codependency is very common among family members who have a loved one with an addiction problem. The dictionary definition of co-dependency is, “excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner. Typically a partner who requires support due to an illness or addiction.” However; this simplistic definition does not do an adequate job of explaining the complex nature of this emotional and behavioral condition.

If you have someone in your life who has a substance abuse problem. It’s very easy to fall into a co-dependent cycle and become enmeshed with that person. Enmeshment is what happens when boundary lines get blurred. It becomes difficult to determine where you start and the other person stops.

When you take on the role of constant caretaker at the expense of your own health and well-being, you are engaging in co-dependent behavior. Codependency is characterized by an extreme need to make sacrifices to satisfy the other person’s needs. It is also identified when your emotions are so entangled with the addicted person, you become reliant upon them to define how you are feeling.

Family Members Of Addicts And Alcoholics Often Develops Among People Who Have An Addicted Person In The Family

Here’s how co-dependent relationships develop among people who love an alcoholic or an addict:

• A chemically dependent person inevitably creates messes he or she cannot clean up without help. This means people who care about this person feel a sense of obligation to run around and clean up those messes.

• Someone with an addiction problem can easily become financially dependent because they spend on their money on drugs or alcohol. Someone with codependency issues will take responsibility for making sure their bills get paid.

• Addiction takes center stage in family dynamics. It runs the show. Family members and people who care about an addict or alcoholic often tip-toe around the addiction. This allows the addiction to dominate day-to-day living.

• People with a drug or alcohol problem can become emotionally, verbally, or physically abusive. A co-dependent person will internalize this abuse and take it on. They will tell themselves it is their fault and begin to change themselves in every way possible to make the abuse stop. They will fail to realize they are not the problem, but that the abusive/addicted person is.

• Those who have a substance abuse problem will often demonstrate embarrassing behavior that brings shame to the family. Someone with co-dependency issues will take it upon themselves to apologize for their family member’s conduct and make excuses for their outbursts and outlandish antics.

• When a person has co-dependency issues and they have an addict or alcoholic in they family, they will tell lies to cover for them. A good example is the wife who calls her husband’s job to report that he is sick when he is actually hungover. Another example is the concerned mother who lies to other family members to cover up the fact that her son is using meth.

Be sure to read For Family Members Of Addicts And Alcoholics – Understanding Codependency: Part Two.

CLICK HERE to get a Free Confidential Addiction Rehabilitation Assessment.

The medical definition of anxiety is a ‘state of or consisting of psychological and physical symptoms that are brought about by a sense of apprehension at a perceived threat’. The key to that definition is a perceived threat. Anxiety producing happenings or things are not always a true threat, but our minds perceive them as one.  The actual symptoms of anxiety vary from person to person and may vary each time you are feeling anxious. The good news is there are ways to deal with anxiety when it does occur.

Everyone will experience mild anxiety at times, this is completely normal. When anxiety becomes prevalent in your life or overwhelming then you must learn to control it and continue moving forward. Though it is often tempting to simply avoid anxiety causing situations, this is not always possible or feasible. Sometimes we must stay and face or fears in order to live a productive life. One way to cope with these problematic situations is to make a list. Though lists are not for everyone, they are helpful in many situations. Create a problem list and break down the issues into manageable steps. These can then be overcome one at a time. With each victory over anxiety treat yourself. You have made a huge accomplishment.

Practice relaxation techniques. Guided imagery is a great way to take your mind of an ongoing situation. Many scenarios are available online. Additionally, deep breathing exercises in which you focus only on the slow deep breaths you are taking in can calm the body and mind quickly.

Make sure to practice good self care by resting enough and eating well. Caring for yourself will help you to face situations realistically. In fact, being over tired or hungry can be a trigger for an attack. The same can be said for being angry or lonely. Focus on keeping yourself in a good place regardless of circumstances.

Finally, talk therapy can be a good solution to working through every day problems that cause anxiety. A good counselor can also teach techniques to deal with sudden onset anxiety. Being afraid will not kill you, but it can take away many good things in your life. Be willing to work through the anxiety for a better future. If talk therapy is still not enough a host of anti anxiety medications are available. Though these are not a cure all, they can be beneficial in some cases.

Anxiety and panic attacks can be traumatic. It may seem as if your world is ending, but the attack will pass and you will survive. When anxiety arises try to calm yourself and focus on something good or exactly what is happening. Stay grounded and focus on something static like a table or lamp or even someone you know in the room. Know that you will and probably are safe. The ability to calm ourselves is within each of us if we allow it to come forth. Humans are amazing creatures that feel strongly. Use the strength to overcome whatever comes your way.

CLICK HERE to get a Free Confidential Addiction Rehabilitation Assessment.