Category: Treatment

Interacting with others is part of life. While you can limit your interactions this is not always the healthiest option, especially when in recovery. Though this does not mean your social and support circle does not need to change to include healthy non users, it does mean that totally isolating yourself is unhealthy and can quickly lead to relapse. As you start to rebuild relationships in recovery there are some basic aspects you need to look for to know whether a relationship is healthy or unhealthy. Remember this is not just true in recovery but in life in general.

Relationships are a part of everyday life. A healthy heart can enter into a healthy relationship and healthy relationships are central to recovery. Recovery without healthy relationships perpetuates the self-obsession that led the addiction in the first place. In recovery focus must be shifted so we can share and relate to others. A healthy heart involved in healthy relationships is the total opposite of addiction. Addiction maintains a secret life marked by fear and control. There are numerous differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships, which will be shared in the remainder of this article.

Reality versus fantasy is something that must be addressed in relationships. Healthy relationships are based in reality in which you share in the other person’s personal growth. These relationships cannot be based on changing the other person into what we think they should or could be. You should not place the other person on a pedestal as they are human and will make mistakes, you should expect that they feel the same about you. Completing versus finding completion in a relationship means that you complete the other person, not yourself as this is codependency. If you need another person to complete yourself then you have become dependent on this person and trouble will follow.

Friendship versus victimization in a relationship means that the relationship must be based in friendship. The other person or you should not demand that the other person sacrifice in order to make you happy. While sacrifice to help the other person may occur, it should never be demanded.

Forgiveness versus resentment in relationships means that you can forgive one another and leave the past in the past within reason. There is a point in the relationship where forgiveness cannot occur as the relationship has become unhealthy. Vulnerability versus defensiveness in a healthy relationship means that you feel comfortable letting your guard down without fear. You no longer feel the need to defend your actions constantly as you trust the other person. Finally, honesty versus deception means that you can be open and honest with the other person even when it is difficult. All healthy relationships are built on honesty.

Now that you understand the difference in healthy and unhealthy relationships, examine your own. Are they healthy? Can changes be made to make them healthy? If the answer is no to both of these questions then you may need to remove that person from your life. Your recovery can hang in the balance.

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Finally, you have made the tough and brave decision to walk away from your addiction. You should be proud you have taken this huge step toward starting a new life. You have an opportunity that many do not, to start over. This step can be a difficult one, but that does not mean you cannot find joy while making all these changes. This can be a challenge because addiction messes with the chemistry of the brain and can alter how we feel joy. As you enter into recovery you may not feel the same type of joy you did from your addiction. But you can find another type of joy. As you begin learning to find joy, remember that the joy brought about by your actual addiction was false, it was chemically induced and more and more was necessary to mimic that feeling. So now that you know what to expect, try some of the following ways to find new joy.

One way that may be unfamiliar to find joy is through vulnerability. Life will not always be good, but it also will not always be bad. When you feel yourself becoming more vulnerable be grateful that you can feel what you are feeling. Embrace the vulnerability and realize that you are a human with emotions and those emotions make you who you are in life. You do not have to dwell on any negative feelings but be proud you are feeling. This vulnerability will allow you to feel things that addiction often masks and will open up a world to you that you may have forgotten existed. As you open yourself up, learn to have an attitude of gratitude.

If you are grateful for the small things then you will be a happier person. It may seem like a simple activity but for a few days try taking a couple minutes each hour to write one thing you are grateful for in life. This does not have to be something big. It can be as simple as your favorite movie showing on television or getting to sleep in on the weekend. As you write these things down save them for those times when you are feeling low. Take time to read them and remember how you felt in that moment. This will bring joy. By finding joy in everyday moments you are choosing to be joyful. While it may not always feel like it, being joyful is a choice.

It really is as simple as finding joy by practicing joy regardless of your circumstances. You can cultivate this joy by being actively grateful and enjoying the moments where peace and happiness find you. These moments will be different for each person, but they can be found. If joy is not finding you then make your own. Try doing something fun and healthy. Get creative and find a new hobby or start a craft. Go outdoors and get some sunshine or just play. Children are happy because they are not worried about what comes next, they live in the moment and find the simplistic joy that is that moment.

Another way to find joy and let it find you is by keeping your body healthy. A healthy body allows you to feel better and do more. So get outside and get some exercise, soak in the vitamin D that the sun provides and let joy come your way. In addition to this, enjoy some healthy snacks. Enjoy these snacks slowly, actually tasting and savoring each bite. These snacks can also be used as a reward for meeting goals, maybe you can spurge a little as the reward.

No matter how you choose to find joy in a healthy way, know that it will benefit you long term as recovery becomes easier. You are an amazing person that has made a huge decision in your life. Stay strong and find that joy so you can make it long term.

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Stop Waiting for Life to Happen

How many times in your life have you made the statement: When I get enough money or When I am older or even When I am more prepared? These are all forms of procrastination. As addicts we tend to procrastinate on many things, especially those that are not feeding the addiction. This procrastination causes us to get stuck in a negative routine in which things never get done and nothing ever really changes, but recovery offers a chance for a new start.

We are living in amazing times with limitless possibilities. So what are you doing with the life you have right now? Are you wasting it feeling sorry for yourself? Are you stuck in a boring dead end job that is not meeting your needs? Do you want to change? You have options. We are literally one click away from connecting with anyone in the world, but we often feel extremely alone. So how do we correct this and what does it have to do with recovery? The answer will hopefully become clear with the remainder of this article.

We are often taught that love is conditional, but this is not really true. We are all basically the same, but we are often so self-focused that we do not really connect. The first step in truly connecting is to know yourself and to re-frame how you think about yourself. This may sound self-centered but it is actually helpful. Life is a mirror that reflects what we put in front of it so if you re-frame yourself and become positive and focused on the good then that good will reflect back on you. However the same is true of the negative. If you put anger and hatred into your life then it will be reflected back on you as well. You cannot go through life attached to your past and expect things to change.

How you choose to live this moment and all that follow it is what can change your life. You can write your own story, starting now, what will it be? So get started by first being true to yourself so that you can connect to others in their truth. This is also why a support system is so important in recovery. The people in your support group will help you build a positive reflection and keep growing.

So now that you know how to get started start being honest with yourself and others to find those connections that allow you to write your best story. Use what you have and where you are to create the life you desire. While it may not be where you want to end up ultimately, it is a good place to start. Your journey will not always be easy or simple, but if you truly want what you are working toward, you can make it happen. So what will your new story be? Will you work toward big goals, a new home, a new job, a license, freedom? The choices are endless.

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It seems odd for someone to not be able to trust their own judgment, but addiction messes with our minds and bodies in a way that can leave us with trust issues, even self-trust issues. Addiction does so much damage to all areas of life. Whether you are addicted to gambling, sleeping pills, alcohol, or meth the addiction itself can change the chemistry of your body and change the way you approach even the simplest of situations. This can be difficult to overcome, but does get easier while in recovery. Part of this change is learning to trust yourself again.

Unfortunately, part of addiction is following your need for that addiction and not trusting your priorities, goals, thoughts, or even gut feelings. Addiction tends to make us act and think impulsively and that is something that needs to be dealt with in recovery. The first step in dealing with this in recovery is to build self-trust.

Starting out in recovery involves taking chances and making life altering decisions. In fact, deciding not to take part in your addiction or addictions is hugely life altering in every sense. This is an incredible undertaking and a journey that will change your life for the better if you allow it to do so. Though you are never done with recovery, you need to start building self-trust immediately. There are a few things you can do to start this process. As you start this journey know that everyone is different and everyone must go at their own pace, the key is to keep moving in the right direction. Read on to learn how to start building self-trust as part of your recovery.

First give yourself a clean slate. This may be the hardest step of all. Recovery means starting a new life, so give yourself one to start. Start where you are at this moment and let the past go. You cannot change what you have done, but you can change your behaviors from this moment on and into your future. There is no point in carrying your baggage into your new life. For some this may mean a whole new set of friends, moving to a new area, finding new employment, and much more. For others it may simply mean a new mind set and strong boundaries to start over in a supportive environment.  Remember that you are not your past or your mistakes. You are a person who has existed until this point and one who is now starting fresh. Knowing, understanding, and believing this makes it easier to focus on healing and build self-confidence and self-trust.

Next, build on your successes. Whether you are successful in simply creating a daily routine or in finding great employment, celebrate. This does not have to be an all out party, but share your joy and accomplishments with those who are supportive. It is healthy to be proud of yourself for meeting goals, big and small. Next, set new goals and milestones and keep celebrating as you meet those. Meeting these short term goals will help you reach milestones and those milestones will lead to larger goals. Don’t waste time, start working on these goals immediately.

Do not be afraid to ask for help in meeting these goals when you need it. No one can exist in a vacuum and having a support circle can go a long way when encouragement is needed. Finally, if and when you do make a mistake, do not give up. Everyone messes up from time to time, learn from these mistakes and start over when needed. As you grow you will learn to start trusting yourself and your decision making skills more and more. This will make long term recovery much easier.

CLICK HERE to get a Free Confidential Addiction Rehabilitation Assessment.